The other day I had such a crazy dream. I was at a fair of sorts and then suddenly I was dressed as a waitress on roller skates being swarmed with cakes that floated all around me. It was then that I somehow floated up into the air and amongst all the cakes floating around me there was one that had no decorations on it, it was just plain white. It was placed in front of me and I remember saying “Let me be a cake decorator anything but the job I am doing now.” Now, I suppose that my subconscious was trying to give form to what has been bothering me lately. Not that I have ever had any affinity for cakes and decorating them, it is just that I am stuck in a job that is so tedious and non creative that I can almost feel how it is sucking out all the imaginative spark out of me.
Still, I will fight it one totally goofy picture and blog post at a time!
I struggle, actually in over a month and a half I have been trying to cope with so much stress I feel it has completely killed my inspiration. What is worse, I have been haunted by the notion that I have lost my way, I lost that drive that had me inspired for my blog from the start. Everywhere i’d look I would just see people who were much better at it than me and it drove me to the point of thinking that nothing I ever do will ever be as good and that there is no point in even doing it.
Still there was constantly that need to express my self, and today finally after so much time I managed to get my self to dive back in it. I wanted to do something simple, for a change leave my model fully nude with only a tattoo on her and drifting in an undefined space of grey glitter. It is how I feel right now, I am drifting in between what I have to do, my job and real life forcing me to grow up, while internally I am dreading it and don’t want to.